I wish I only lived at night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
