So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
