I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
