got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
