i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
