whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
