What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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