Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
