Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
