We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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