you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
