you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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