u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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