I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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