i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
