I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
