Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
