I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
