Screwed.edu
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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