the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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