awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
