considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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