Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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