Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
