i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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