Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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