i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
