it hurts more in the daytime
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
