she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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