Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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