dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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