I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
