is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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