Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize