My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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