I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
