i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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