Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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