It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
