spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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