dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize