I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
