He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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