OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
