just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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