Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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