So drunk, too bad you don't want this
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
