Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
