I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
