Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize