my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
