last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
