Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
