Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
