she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
