I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
