I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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