So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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