Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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