Say something about gay babies.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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