He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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