woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
