you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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