i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
