found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
