I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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