its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't put those talents on a resume
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
