Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
