dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
