i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
