I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
