i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
