I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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