I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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