when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's get the cat blown out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
